My kids and I have visited some at an Episcopal church close to our house. I thought they’d hate it. It’s quite different from the evangelical church they’ve grown up in, where the kids’ wing upstairs has often been jokingly referred to as “Disneyland” by the adults. It’s only kind of a joke.
But my children are introverts, and they love visiting this church. My son loves the quiet. My daughters love the beauty of the sanctuary. For my children who’ve grown up in the evangelical megachurch, these are big differences.
But the biggest difference for me is the rector.
I love the rector at this episcopal church. He’s an introvert’s dream, quoting Winston Churchill and Annie Dillard and obscure short story authors even I’ve never heard of. His sermons are thoughtful and philosophical and altogether different from what I’ve heard in the evangelical church over the past decade.
But it’s more than that. For years, I’ve been attending a church that explicitly values “excellence” in its church services. And this rector stutters. And–lest you get the wrong impression–I don’t mean subtly, if there is such a thing. I mean some Sunday services are like The King’s Speech.
I’ve noticed some patterns over the months we’ve been dropping in. The rector never, ever stutters during the communion service, or the Creed He sometimes stutters during prayers or Gospel readings. But throw in an odd addition to the service, like a Boy Scout commissioning, and it might get ugly.
I wonder what his parishioners think of his stuttering; I wonder if they feel the same way I do. Because I love it. I worry that I’m being melodramatic, but I absolutely love the fact that this messenger of God trips over the words he uses to bring the message.
I feel for this man, and I hope he’s not bothered by his own stuttering. He endeared me to himself forever when he made a joke about being less than graceful with his words one Sunday morning. But he doesn’t lack grace. I would tell him, if I could, how perfect–how holy–it feels to me on a Sunday morning, to hear him stammer out the words of God. We are saints, yes, but we are also jars of clay.
When your leader stutters, there’s no use pretending otherwise.
Oooh, I love this, Anne. “We are saints, yes, but we are also jars of clay.” Yes.
The Bible is full of examples of leaders chosen by God who weren’t exactly standard issue Excellent Leader Material. But somehow I always imagine God sort of magically making them good speakers–like Moses. He says he’s terrible at public speaking, and God tells him not to worry about it, and then he goes off and gives all these speeches, and I guess because they’re written nicely in the Bible you assume he delivered them like a megachurch orator.
But now I wonder. Maybe it’s not that God magically changed his speech or gave him the gift of speaking. Maybe He just strengthened Moses to do it anyway, to share God’s words despite his own stuttering. To persevere despite weakness is a more powerful example than to persevere after God snapped His fingers and solved your problems.
The only problem with that train of thought is that I have a hard time imagining those whiny Israelites seeing the holiness in the stutters.
I really love this.
Moses had his speech impediment, like Katie said.
Paul had his mysterious “thorn in the flesh.”
We all have our flaws, our struggles…
and yet, God uses us still. In spite of those flaws…and sometimes BECAUSE of them.
This is something He’s been telling me a lot lately.
He doesn’t need me to be perfect.
He just needs me to be willing to be part of His plan.
Thank you so much for this.
Also, if you’re enjoying the Episcopal worship, I would HIGHLY (as in, I can’t tell you how much) recommend the “Mitford” series by Jan Karon, if you haven’t read them yet. The first book is “At Home in Mitford.” The main character is an Episcopal priest, Father Tim Kavanagh. The stories take place in a tiny (fictional) village in North Carolina–Mitford–based on the real-life village of Blowing Rock. There are nine books in the series, and they are absolutely delightful.
Anne, you truly conveyed the grace and beauty of that church. Thank you so much for sharing God’s grace with us.
This line conveys a different way of looking at church services: “a church that explicitly values ‘excellence’”. It’s not that we shouldn’t follow the Holy Spirit in his perfection as we worship and live in the kingdom of God, but to name excellence as an explicit value for us seems to miss the mark somehow. It’s Jesus who is excellent and perfect, and it is he who came to seek and save the lost (those of us who are not excellent and perfect). We should revel in his excellence, not measure the value of our own efforts by how closely they approach excellence or not, right?
Cheers,
Tim
And now I want to go to this church with you. Beautiful notion, this. Seeing holiness where other see flaws and how God uses it all regardless.
I loved this. Especially as a kid who stuttered and church was sometimes very difficult for me as a result. Your rector, and this church, is my hero.
One of our dear friends is a pastor and he stutters. He is the nicest guy. You cannot help but like him. He once joked “Incase you haven’t noticed, I stutter. So when that happens, feel free to pull out a piece of paper and doodle until I get my word out.” Loved his sense of humor. We are all so imperfect.
This is exquisite Anne! I love it. l once heard a boy at a local soup kitchen lead worship, and he was terrible. A screechy, pitchy voice and he was totally off in his rhythm but he was singing with all of his heart and it sounded like his very soul was worshiping and the noise was his song. We are clay.
I heard an old guy like that once in the choir loft of a cathedral (wrote about it for Aimee Byrd here: http://www.housewifetheologian.com/singers-arent-only-ones-who-can-sing/). God hears beautiful music from his people.
Tim
Oh I loved that post Tim!
I love this. I think we get caught up thinking that God demands perfection. How many of us really want to join the choir, but don’t because we don’t think we are good enough?? Actually, DH and I haven’t because we have kids to care for now, so we sing our hearts out in the pew! When all God really want is you and your love!
I’m a lurker for all the blogs that I read, but I LOVE this!!! The musings on the rector stuttering, the introverts…. beautiful! I have always felt that I would love attending an episcopal church after reading one of lauren winner’s books. Must check one out sometime!
True humility is hard to find. Sounds like your rector is the real article. This post is a beautiful tribute.
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